Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
