Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
