So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
