so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
