I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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