I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
