When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
