we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
