Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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