Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
