he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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