she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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