thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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