so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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