the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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