I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
