Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
no, he came in my armpit
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
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we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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