I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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