I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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