I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
