i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
