the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
