Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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