I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
