Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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