Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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