pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
