if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
