sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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