so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
