I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
