is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
