I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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