i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
