i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
