hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
