if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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