If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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