This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS