id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I love you. Go after that dick
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.