The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
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Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.