..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
