Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
