You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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