i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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