when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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