i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
