I wish I could teleport
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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