Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
it was like eating out sand paper
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
