i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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