wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
