Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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