I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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