I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
