so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
