One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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