We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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