is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
