lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
