Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
