so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
