Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
