I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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