My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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