Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think I sprained my soul last night
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
