i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
